There is a development in Kosovo that really cheered me up when I was there, the advent of a new party which may do for Kosovo politics what the Italian comedian, Beppe Grillo, did for Italian politics. It’s called The Party of the Strong, and it was thought up by its leader and Legendary President, a young 26-year-old graphic designer, Visar Arifaj, over drinks with some friends a couple of years ago.
It’s a bit like Borat, only actually funny. ‘We say what the others say, only we magnify it by ten,’ he told me. And he says what the other parties do. It’s run on social media: Kosovo not only has the youngest population in Europe but correspondingly, the population with the highest rate of internet use.
When Arifaj appeared with other candidates on a TV show, he, like them, was asked why he wanted to stand. ‘To gain power and make money,’ he declared. At this, the audience collapsed. Indeed the Party’s hymn is, I Am Going to Be a Millionaire. All its members are Vice Presidents – ‘if someone isn’t fit to be a Vice President, he shouldn’t be a candidate’, says Arifaj.
The party enthusiastically promotes the privatisation…of everything (‘in collaboration with our supporting companies’). It wants to set up universities in every neighbourhood. (‘The Prime Minister appears to want universities in every village; well, we’re going further.’) As for education, ‘we will eliminate high schools’ to oblige everyone to proceed from primary school to university. He has in mind those politicians whose high school education was limited yet who somehow managed to get a university degree, online, or from India.
As for the Europeans who are everywhere in Kosovo in NGO’s and EU bodies, attracted by high, tax free incomes, he declares that he is happy for Kosovo to have these international institutions which are European and provide Europeans from the embattled single currency with safe jobs. ‘We have such high standards, Europeans are willing to leave their lives at home to come here.’
He makes play, too, with EU membership. ‘Everyone talks about European integration,’ he reflects. ‘Our PM talks about Euro-Atlantic integration. We say we’re in favour of indo-European integration.’
Anyway, you get the gist. Each country gets the satire it deserves, and it was high time for this bit of the Balkans to get done over by young, clever, funny people like these. Except in Kosovo, reality often makes satire redundant. If the Party of the Strong manages a few seats in this election, it will be a sign that normal people there are finally having their say.
The party wants to decrease the number of divorces by no longer allowing marriages. Serious diseases will be made illegal, which will naturally result in fewer diseases. Corruption should be legalized, so that that it is no longer a problem. “The statistics show that this will work,” says Visar Arifaj (aged 26), the self-proclaimed ‘Legendary Leader’ of the Party. He campaigns in a suit in the center of Prishtina. He has an incredible mustache and prefers to be photographed from below. Arifaj bears a striking resemblance to Borat, the Sasha Baron Cohen’s satirical character.
If actual votes reflect the number of likes that the Strong Party have on Facebook, then Arifaj could become Prishtina’s new mayor. And that is just the first step. Arifaj is convinced that he will become Prime Minister of Kosovo next year. He will then start by legalizing marijuana. “We have to make as many people as possible high, so that they will be satisfied with their lives more quickly.” The satirical party’s final aim is world domination.
Arifaj stays in his role as ‘Legendary Leader’ with big promises that he – as a true Kosovar politician – will not be able to fulfill. However, behind the satire is a serious protest. The Strong Party critiques the current political climate in which corruption is ruling and highway construction is taking prevalence over health care and education. The country, which has only had independence since 2008, is recovering from a devastating war in the end of the nineties, but is still suffering from corruption and political inequality.
The thirty party members, primarily artists and activists, are all appointed Vice-President of the Party. They believe political leaders have messed around with citizens for long enough. Now is the time for citizens to make fun of them. “The question is not how serious we are, but how seriously we have to take the other parties.”
They actively participate in the campaign and are invited to TV-debates. Established politicians are slowly starting to worry. The satirical points of view are popular, especially with the younger generation that doesn’t feel represented by the political elite. If the charismatic Visar Arifaj really makes it to mayor of Prishtina then he will take his responsibility. “I will be invisible, like a mayor should be.”
The Strong Party unveiled their idea to facilitate night-time urination in apartment building entrances in Kosovo’s capital. “With the installment of urinals in the entrance of apartment buildings, we will ensure that people will urinate in appropriate places, not on the ground or on some dark corner as they currently do. Consequently, this has often caused inconvenience to residents in those apartment buildings by contaminating their walking aisles. According to the Strong Party’s experts the existing practices are not at all hygienic, and may be the cause of the spread of contagious diseases,” communicated the Strong Party.
As is further elaborated in the Party’s program, the apartment building entrances were often used for the relief of random passengers from a physiological, yet urgent, discharge. According to the Strong Party, the city of Prishtina has not provided people with any infrastructure in order to fulfil this very humane need, and until now this has only been done through informal methods.
“The installation of 3058 urinals is the optimal solution to this problem” stated the SP’s experts. This Duchampian approach ensures that the urine is localized, the apartment building entrances remain hygienic, and the citizens feel relieved from their urgent natural needs. For female citizens, the Strong Party will soon secure special funnels for their relief,” further specified the Strong Party’s press statement. This has been lavished with many Facebook likes from citizens since the moment it was posted, indicating how this problem is considered a basic concern by the citizens.
Futher, the Strong Party stated that it is in the process of identifying other larger spaces inside apartment building entrances to install full toilet utilities that residents and citizens of Prishtina can use for other needs. The feasibility study for this project foresees that all this will be finalized at the beginning of 2015. The statement added: “Regarding the smell that could be evident in the ground floor of these apartment building entrances, the respondents to SP questionnaires have admitted that they feel nostalgic for this smell, which reminds them of their elementary school. The Strong Party for clean entrances!
Government is the #1 enemy of the people and the source of all major problems of humanity. Anarchy is the best political system. Basil Venitis, venitis@gmail.com, http://themostsearched.blogspot.com, @Venitis
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